This is my daily 9-5 right now. It's been building for awhile, but now it seems too much to handle. I dread every single morning (except for Saturdays). How is that for a life? It's not. I think that's why I get even more upset. I know I'm worth more than that. Than this. Yet every day I show up. I have to. Because everyone else around me seems incapable of being reliable.
I'm so sick of everyone and everything at work dictating my mood. I am miserable for 9 hours a day and beyond overwhelmed with stuff after work. It seems like I just can't get out of this cycle. I love doing improv, but it's a ton of driving and planning to make sure the pup gets a walk in and fed again. I'm feeling like everything is becoming my responsibility and there's no one there to help me out if I stumble and fall. I'm just tired of being the most competent person in the fucking room. I feel like the past week has just been me complaining and feeling like a victim. I hate feeling this way. I can't shake it. Everything is setting me on edge. A tiny and minor irritation is making me want to rip my skin off and scream at the top of my lungs. My throat is constantly constricting and my heart will randomly speed up. I catch myself realizing I have a scowl on my face. It's like this black cloud won't stop raining on me. My journal entries are awful and dark. This mood scares me to pieces.
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